Memories

les cuento, señores, señoras y drag queens (?) que yo Ginni me estoy mudando de cuarto. como paso a un cuarto más chiquito y como total tengo mil y un cosas guardadas en los rincones de mi cuarto que no sirven para nada, estoy aprovechando para sacar lo inútil/fuera de uso. mi piso casi ni se ve de todas las cosas que tiene...toda la mañana estuve ordenando mis papeles. me di cuenta que he dibujado MUCHO en clase. pero mucho en serio. onda, 3 bolsas negras repletas de dibujos viejos, y me quedé con una caja casi entera .-.
el 90% de ellos fueron hechos en hojas rayadas, por ende, en clase.
y después me pregunto por qué no tengo promedio 9 (?)
bueno cuestión, ahora que terminé papeles y adornos (no tenía tanto x suerte) estoy procesando libros. mi casa en general está llenísimo de libros, y a medida que voy leyendo algún que otro libro me lo guardo ahi en mis bibliotecas que, al inicio, estaban bastante vacíos. en estos 4 años estando en esta casa, he comprado bastantes libros. no entran más libros en mis bibliotecas xD asique ahora tengo una pila de libros mios, libros de la familia y libros que aún no ordené..obviamente un par de libros copadísimos de la flia se agregaron a la pila mia, pero bueno, los libros me aman, qué puedo decir (?)
después me faltarán los peluches y la ropa...voy a tardar más con los peluches que con la ropa, se SABE.
dejando de lado la lista de cosas que he hecho y me faltan para hacer, me refiero un poco más al título de esta entrada; memories.

ALTAS memorias surgieron de cosas escondidas entre las pilas de boludeces acumuladas. un papelito con una nota escrita y pasada debajo del banco, una medalla, una cinta, una foto, un dibujo, un collar, una roca...de todo, cada uno con su historia única y (generalmente) gracioso (: no es para que me lo comenten abajo, pero se les ocurre alguna historia o alguna memoria que surga de cada uno de esos objetos? me imagino que si e.e ahora pensá lo que es encontrar como 40 en una misma mañana...bastante fuerte (L
Bueno, ya está. Basta de procrastinación, a ordenar e.e

Baby steps, baby steps...

It's hard letting go. It really is.

But there's a point in which you just have to

stop fighting and let life go on.

There's a point in which the only thing you're going to do

is ruin all the good memories with a bad ending.

In the end, all you're going to be able to remember
is that bitter taste in your mouth.

It's hard letting go. Especially when it's the best thing to do.

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm....fine?

Damn.

Aclaro: No soy fanática de Avril Lavigne. Tampoco me gusta su forma de actuar y ciertas actitudes que ha tenido como persona. Sin embargo, hay ciertas canciones de ella que me mueven. Esta es una.

I can be tough
I can be strong

But with you, it's not like that at all

There’s a girl that gives a shit
Behind this wall
You just walk through it

And I remember all those crazy thing you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here.

I love the way you are
It's who I am don't have to try hard
We always say, say it like it is
And the truth is that I really miss

All those crazy thing you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here.

No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go
Let go, Oh, Oh,

No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go
Let go, Let go, Let go...

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here. ♫

I hate how this song makes me cry.

Muéranse n.n★

No apto para menores de 18 años

Imagínense a una chica baila con un hombre, bailando en un boliche.Mientras bailan, conversan...y en un momento la conversación dice así:

Él: A todo esto, ¿cuántos años tenés vos?
Ella: 16, ¿vos?
Él: ¿Posta? No lo parecés!
Ella: *después de pensarlo un poco* Che, no debería decirte que soy menor de edad si estoy aca adentro, verdad...?
Él: Y, yo soy policía y me chupa un huevo, asique vos fijate...

Lo dejo a su interpretación...

Ukelele + amigo + calle = ♪♩♫

es casi como una obligación, una emoción que surge de adentro, originado por un estímulo exterior. un acorde, una melodía, una palabra que me hace recordar una canción...y mi cabeza empieza con toda la orquesta a tocarla y no puedo resistirlo...de alguna forma la música sale de mi. chasqueo con los dedos a ritmo, golpeo los pies, toco con los dedos sobre la mesada, se mueven mis caderas o mis brazos a pesar de mis dificultades de baile, intentando formar alguna conexión entre el movimiento y la música, tarareo la melodía sin palabras, murmullo alguna línea de la letra sin melodía, o directamente me pongo a cantar con todo lo que me da la voz.
y debo decir, hay pocas cosas tan lindas que recibir una buena reacción.
puede ser que estoy en la calle, escuchando una canción movida y mi sonrisa & pasito de la nada hace que otra persona se ría. puede ser que estoy en clase y empiezo a tararear la melodía de la canción que me acordé y que, a los 5 minutos, escuche que otro compañero lo tararea de distraido. puede que una persona escuche el ritmo que armo y me dice "chee, copado eso!". puede que otra persona complete la frase que estaba en el medio de pronunciar, al haber reconocido la letra. o puede ser que, como hoy, se ponga a cantar conmigo, sin verguenza (L)
me encontré con un amigo, saliendo del colegio, y estaba con un Ukelele que yo equivocadamente llamé charango (perdón u.u) y nos pusimos a cantar de todo, Jason Mraz, Bruno Mars...hasta en un momento me puse a cantar Justin Beiber. "No puedo creer que en este momento esté cantando Justin Beiber." imagínense una chica sentada arriba de esas barreras de TBA, con pantalón balí, creo que se llama así, multicolor, musculosa turquesa y un amigo tocando el charango, cantando "baby, baby, baby, oooh, i thought you'd always be mine, miiine..." osea.
igual, lo que más me gustó, fue que estuve caminando por la calle con él, tocando y cantando, y me sentí tan bien. tan libre, tan feliz. amo la música, sinceramente lo amo. quiero aprender a tocar la guitarra o algo semejante, porque mi comprensión y sentido de la música por LEJOS supera mi manejo de instrumentos melódicos y ya me está frustrando.
otro objetivo a cumplir que me va a poner feliz ♥

Replacing delusions with reality...finally.

Bueno, como bien puse en mi estado de facebook, "sale entrada de blog"...

"No man is happy without a delusion of some kind.

Delusions are as necessary to our happiness as realities".

Bovee

This may be true, but what if your delusions outnumber your realities?

(what if your delusions are as numerous as gummy bears?)

What if you're living a dream, living towards trying to make things come true that never will? At what point should you say "stop"? There are people I have met, promises I have made, most of which I have been true to, waiting, hoping, wishing, dreaming...

But there are issues that I cannot overcome. Limitations which are beyond me, which are defined by my environment and by the situation I am in (basically location and age). The most important issue I cannot overcome, is a change of heart. When something happens that makes someone change their mind or their manner or even their feelings. I'm finding that that is happening with a few people in my life. Three or four. And not in every case am I the one suffering from these delusions.

In some cases, I am viewed as the delusion. For there are things I cannot give, no matter how much I want to. That's the most awfully helpless feeling; wanting willing and desperate to give something you're not able to. Yet for the most part, the delusion is provided by the other side; meetings that are never kept, promises to do this and that yet the time for action never comes, promises of all kinds of things, on intellectual and emotional levels, yet they remain as what they are; delusions.

Up until now I have been quite content to live in these delusions, because they have never been things I could really picture in real life. Thing is, though, you can only live with these delusions for so long...

Lately I have had time and reason to put things into perspective; the exams, deadlines and matriculación from school & university have been driving me to the point in which I'm so stressed I can't sleep (hence the 2am writing in my blog thing). And in these hours of restlessness, I fill them with thoughts and plans. I've been thinking about these illusions, these delusions, and I'm tired of them. I am tired of living a "What if" a "Some day" a "Soon..." I don't want everything now, but I want NOW. I want what I can have, I want what is feasible.

From someone who supposedly wants me in the future, I want them to at least be somewhat present now. From a friend who says it's easier to not talk because they live far away, I say screw it. You're coming back in a couple of months; at least have the decency to act like you still give a damn. From people encouraging me to sneak out and escape from home I want patience and "relaxed" outings. Give me exactly 5 months to turn 18 and then we can go and "romperla" but until then stop filling my head with these images and imaginations and give me nights out to the cinema or a sleepover. Don't give me delusions. From those that send me mixed signals; get your freaking head sorted out and let me know where the hell I stand. There is nothing worse than not knowing where you stand. And no, I didn't forget to turn the light on, you're just being a confusing and muddling person (to not say something more colourful) and it's getting on my nerves.

I try not to give these delusions; I'm clear with what I want (when I actually know what the heck that is, which does take a while sometimes). I'm clear with what I can and cannot do. I try not to zone out (although it happens more often than it should) and when it does I say sorry a million times. Most of all, I care and I freaking show it. It's not a delusion, it's a reality. One that's supposed to be part of your happiness.

There are times I wish...well, I wish a lot of things actually, but I'm through with that. If I want it I'm just going to get up and get it or die trying. 'Scuse my french, but fuck this shit.
Ciao★